The Cubs Are Selling Out

Long gone are the days of nostalgia. Today's sports are played under the ever-watchful corporate eye, and sooner or later we'll be watching the Coca-Cola Super Bowl while drinking an NFL-brand beer. Most recent example: the owner of the Chicago Cubs announced that the naming rights for Wrigley Field, a beloved baseball landmark to fans who enjoy perennial heartbreak, are on the table for the highest bidder.

In honor of this announcement, I have renamed several famous sports venues that are due for a name upgrade.

Wrigley Field: Chicago Bears Field, "Let us share in your losing pain"
Sidenote: take a leak in the "Bartman-Billygoat" bathrooms

Fenway Park: Campbell's Chunky Chowdah Park
Sidenote: Game played on "Enjoy Your Single World Series Ring, Johnny Damon" Field

Lambeau Field: Favre Field.
Sidenote: Yep. Brett Favre can even defeat capitalism. Chuck Norris ain't got shit on him.