Best Lawyer Joke Received From My Dad Over Email Today

What do attorneys use for birth control?



Their personalities.

"Across The Universe"

Across The Universe follows Jude (yes, seriously), a college-aged Brit, through the 1960’s, where he experiences love, loss, fear, and, ultimately, redemption. Borrowing from Hair, the plot weaves in and out of the Vietnam conflict, with characters coming in contact with both a mandatory military draft and extreme social unrest and protest. Plus, there are Beatles’ songs! And let’s be completely honest with ourselves: if we really wanted a movie about the 60’s, we’d rent Forrest Gump. We watch Across The Universe for the songs.

Admit it.

That’s ok. You’re just like everyone else.

To give credit where it is due, the songs in the film did not disappoint. Casual fans will get their fill of their favorite songs, while hardcore Fab-Four fans will recognize more obscure fare. On the whole, the music is well placed and well executed; the actors did justice to Lennon and McCartney with their fantastic voices. The highlight of the cast was Jim Sturgess, who played the main character Jude. Unknown to me before this film, he did a great job both singing the songs and making them pertain to the plot and action on-screen. I was disappointed, however, that my personal favorite song (“While My Guitar Gently Weeps”) was reduced to an instrumental interlude.

To be completely honest, the plot of the movie was fairly weak. Without the injection of music, the film would be an utterly forgettable nostalgia piece. None of the characters were terribly well-developed, and the plot comes across to the viewer as more space-filler between songs than an actually compelling story. Plus (and here is the hardest part of my critique to explain), the storyline seemed to take certain twists and turns simply to incorporate Beatles songs, as if the filmmaker chose a list of music before actually penning the script and made the latter only to fit the former. Two of these confusing interludes contain the most surprising cameos in the film: U2 front man Bono as Dr. Robert and normally high-heeled comedian Eddie Izzard as a very strange circus director Mr. Kite. Both of these cameos, though entertaining, seem forced and unnecessary. And the inclusion of a character named Prudence was obviously, from the very beginning, a mere vehicle to bring in the song “Dear Prudence”, which is morphed from its anti-war message to encouraging a young girl to unlock a door and leave a room (“Dear Prudence/Won’t you come out and play?”).

Yes. Some of the movie comes across as pretty contrived.

ATU is directed by Julie Taymore, the brilliant designer behind the late 1990’s hot Broadway show The Lion King. It would be impossible to deny Taymore’s ability to create a colorful and engrossing environment and her talent in using costuming and effects to draw in the viewer. However, Taymore herself seems to get a little caught up in the psychedelic nature of the time period and veers in and out of surrealism to the detriment of the film’s cohesiveness. At one point, the story will rotate around the strength of the friendship of two young men; five minutes later, the movie will dive into an endless whirlpool of video effects to represent (assumedly) drug use, and the two stories seem disjointed. However, the visuals and choreography of many of the scenes makes for fantastic cinematography and, coupled with the songs, entertains the audience even if it doesn’t sweep it off its collective feet.

There are many people who swear by Julie Taymore’s brilliance, but resist listening to theatre geeks who would like you to think this movie deserves every award ever given. While Taymore’s ability to present compelling visuals is unparalleled, Across The Universe would have benefited from more focus on the foundational story underneath the Beatles songs that drew audiences into the theater. The bottom line is that ATU makes a fantastic movie trailer and an o.k. feature-length movie. However, even with a lackluster story and, at times, a disjointed plot, the ability of the actors to sing the hell out of everyone’s favorite Beatles songs makes the movie worth seeing, if only to sing along in your living room.

ROTTEN TOMATOES GRADE: 53% critics, 80% viewers

ANDERSON ELLIS GRADE: B-

Mitt Romney Is A Dirty Quitter

MITT ROMNEY DROPS OUT


Too bad, too. Now we can only choose between Huckabee and McCain, which seems like a lose-lose to me.

Best Lawyer Joke Received From My Dad Over Email Today

"THE BEST COMEBACK OF THE YEAR AWARD"


A policeman was being cross-examined by a defense attorney
during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's
credibility....

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the
scene?"

A: "No sir. But
I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender,
running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who
responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of
this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my
life."

Q: "With your
life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change
your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a
locker in the room?"

A:
"Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And
do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow
officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room
you share with these same officers?"

A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the
court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that
room."

The courtroom
erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

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Almost a winner...

I am a mere 3 hours and 50-something minutes from being the proud owner of a Nike Slingshot hybrid rescue club. I'm stoked. If someone comes in and outbids me at the last minute, I'm going to shit a brick. I've been sick all day (hence why I haven't posted about Signing Day, though I've watched alot of the coverage from the cesspool of sickness that is my bed) and I just don't feel like getting screwed by some 12-year-old who waits until the last minute to bid on something.

EDITED TO SAY: I got the club. Thank God. At least one good thing is going my way today.

National Signing Day is like Christmas for Lonely People and High School Kids

Tomorrow is National Signing Day and even though my Wake Forest is competing for exactly -10% of the remaining uncommitted prospects, I will be reading articles during class and writing about them. I hope you all are as excited (read: bored) as I am and can't wait.