Fall 2008 TV Lineup

Here's the most recent news regarding what shows are in, what shows are out, and what new stuff is coming this fall.

* denotes a show that I watch
# denotes show I have stopped watching
+ denotes show I wouldn't watch if you paid me

ABC
Boston Legal
Brothers & Sisters
Desperate Housewives
Dirty Sexy Money
Eli Stone
Grey's Anatomy +
Lost *
Private Practice
Pushing Daisies #
Scrubs (moved from NBC) *
Ugly Betty

CBS
Cold Case +
Criminal Minds +
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
CSI: Miami
CSI: New York
Ghost Whisperer +
NCIS
Numb3rs
The Unit
Without a Trace

FOX
Prison Break
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

NBC
Chuck +
ER
Friday Night Lights
Heroes #
Law & Order
Law & Order: SVU #
Life
Lipstick Jungle +
Medium +

CW
Gossip Girl +
One Tree Hill +
Reaper +
Smallville +
Supernatural +

AMC
Breaking Bad

SHOWTIME
Brotherhood
The "L" Word

USA
Monk

The following shows have mercifully been canceled, saving countless braincells from inevitable destruction:

ABC
Big Shots
Men in Trees
Notes From the Underbelly
October Road
Women's Murder Club

CBS
Jericho
Viva Laughlin

FOX
K-Ville
New Amsterdam

NBC
Bionic Woman
Journeyman
Las Vegas

CW
Life is Wild

USA
The 4400
The Dead Zone

Here are the new shows coming for the fall, with 90% certain to be canceled in short order.
* denotes a show that I plan on trying out
# denotes a show that I will never give a chance

NBC
- FALL
Kath & Kim
Knight Rider #
SNL: Thursday Night Live *
My Own Worst Enemy
Crusoe
- WINTER
The Philanthropist
The Office Spinoff *
Merlin
Kings

CBS
Project Gary
Worst Week
The Ex List
Eleventh Hour
The Mentalist

ABC
Life on Mars
Opportunity Knocks
The Goode Family
Untitled Ashton Kucher Tyra Banks Project #

FOX
Dollhouse
Fringe
The Cleveland Show (Family Guy Spin-off) *
Class Dismissed (animated show from Arrested Development guys) *
Do Not Disturb

CW
90210 #
Surviving the Filthy Rich #

Movie Trailers You Should Watch

I cruise the 'Net more than my fair share, and today was no different. I came across some movie trailers that y'all should check out.


TRAITOR
Starring Don Cheadle, Guy Pierce, Jeff Daniels, and the dude from "Three Kings" who tortures Marky Mark. Looks pretty damn good, about a CIA Op who ends up working for a terrorist group. Also interesting, the "idea" for the movie is credited to Steve Martin on IMDB.com.


The Promotion
Starring Seann William Scott and John C. Reilly. Looks funny. Plus, Jenna Fischer is attractive to look at.


Igor
Starring the voices of John Cusak and Steve Buscemi. You knew I couldn't make it all the way through without an animated movie. Other animated movies look dumb, but this one looks pretty good.


The Rocker
Starring Rainn Wilson and Christina Applegate. Notable mention: Jason Sudeikis. This could be dumb as hell (see HOT ROD) or could be kinda funny. Dwight hasn't carried a movie yet, so I guess we'll see.

Check 'em out and let me know what you think.

THE OFFICE Finale-- Tonight at 8pm CST

Tonight is the one-hour Office finale. I'm excited. Here's the "cold open" (tv slang for "shit before the theme song") for the show tonight. Watch it if you want to. Its pretty damn funny. Also, be warned, after the video, I'm gonna discuss possible SPOILERS for the show, so if you don't wanna read, don't.


Here's the NBC summary for the show tonight:
"It's Toby's goodbye party at Dunder Mifflin and Michael demands a huge celebration that matches the joy in his heart. Angela, sick of Michael's unreasonable last minute demands, refuses, and Michael turns to Phyllis to take over the party planning committee. Meanwhile, Dwight and Meredith haze the new HR woman, Holly (Oscar Nominee Amy Ryan)."

Amy Ryan was the hood-rat mom in "Gone Baby Gone", so you know she's good.

So here's what I think: I've read websites that say the spoilers are proposal, pregnancy, and a character leaving.

PROPOSAL: The writers want you to think Jim and Pam, so I think that won't be it. I could much easier see Andy proposing to Angela (which would be hilarious). I don't think she would do it; more likely he would ask, she'd say "no" and just ignore it.

PREGNANCY: Not Pam. Kelly? That would be crazy. I think that a pregnancy with any other character would mess the show up, but Kelly might be hilarious.

LEAVING: The show is titled "Goodbye, Toby" so the obvious pick here would be Toby. The new HR Rep is the lady from "Gone Baby Gone", but she's too big of a star to be on the show forever, so I'm thinking either Toby won't leave or someone else will leave and come back as the HR rep. Jan is pretty worthless since Michael broke up with her, so she might leave. The writers have been hammering Ryan lately, too, so he might get caught with drugs and fired. What if he got booted and Jim got the corporate job...hmm.... Safe to say, however, that Michael, Jim, Pam, and Dwight are safe, and Andy, Angela, Creed, and Oscar really shouldn't go away.

So thats what I'm guessing. No Jim and Pam proposal, though he might trick her again. Toby might leave or might not, and someone else might be gone. Who knows. I guess we'll see in a little under 4 hours!

Best Story I've Read This Year

13 Year Old Steals Dad's Credit Card To Buy Hookers

A Texas kid, pissed because his Dad forgot his birthday, ordered a duplicate of his Dad's credit card, bought an XBOX and a shitload of junk food, and got 2 hookers to sit and watch him and his buddy play video games.

Highlights:

"The escort girls who were released without charge, told the arresting officers something was up when the kids said they would rather play Xbox than get down to business.

Police said they were alerted to the motel by a concerned delivery clerk, whom after delivering supplies of Dr Pepper, Fritos and Oreos had been asked by the kids where they could score some chicks and were willing to pay. They explained they had just made a big score at a "World of Warcraft" tournament and wanted to get some relaxation.

Ralph had reportedly told police that his father wouldn't mind, as it was his birthday last week and he had forgot to get him a present.

Asked why he ordered two escorts, Ralph said he thought it was the thing to do when you win a "World of Warcraft" tournament. They told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them.

Ralph's ambition is to one day become a politician."

Amazing.

Here's the link: Story

Voting Day: Version 3-Point-Something

At this point, I don't even know how many times people in North Mississippi have voted. It seems like a million, between the primary and run-off or whatever the fuck it was. I'm not into politics, so I haven't registered to vote in Mississippi because I don't care, but I (like everyone else getting TV from Jackson or Tupelo) have been bombarded with ads from congressional candidates Travis Childers and Greg Davis. Let me say one thing right off the bat:

Both Travis Childers and Greg Davis look simply ridiculous.

I'm not talking about politically, though that may be true. I'm talking purely physically. For people who put their pictures all over the place, you'd think they'd have the intelligence to hire someone to make sure they look presentable. Apparently not. Davis has the same haircut as the douchebags I went to middle school with back in 1997: gelled, pushed forward, nasty cut (I think thats the technical term for it). Nice smile, too, bud. You don't look awkward at all. And a bowtie? Dammit, that is just not smart. If you are confident and suave, you can pull off a bowtie. If you're a creepy little weirdo, then it just accents your creepy weirdo-ness.


But don't think Travis Childers is getting off any easier. What the fuck is that on your upper lip, Trav? Did you drink chocolate milk aggressively and forget to clean yourself? If you're gonna have a mustache (which is a terrible decision in the first place), at least make it respectable, like the guys from "Deadwood". Mustaches should be manly and burly, not thin and prissy. This is the kind of mustaches that the girly-man city-folk coming into Deadwood would have. You know what happened to them? They got killed because they were bitches who couldn't handle the wild west. Can you handle the wild west, Travis? I doubt it.

Politically, I really couldn't care less about either of them. Davis was the mayor of Southaven and Childers apparently built nursing homes or something. According to Childers, Davis has a tax-bought Yukon that he enjoys running over disabled children with. According to Davis, Childers hates the elderly and loves building torture chambers disguised as nursing homes. They both hate puppies and love evil. I really don't think the people of North Mississippi can go wrong here.

Get out and vote today, May 13, in the run-off. Just remember: if you vote Democrat, you're voting wrong.

Distinctive Singers, FTW

You know how there are just some songs that no matter how hard you try, you have to imitate the artist when you sing the song? I have noticed this alot recently. Seems like every song I listen to have a distinctive voice that I'm impersonating when I sing along. Examples:

TRACY CHAPMAN "Fast Car"
Its my fraternity anthem (I know, gay, right? Fuck you.) so I love the song, but its impossible to sing along without doing Chapman's voice. Its so distinctive that it just doesn't sound right if you don't do it like her.


KATE NASH "Foundation"
Its a newer song, but catchy as hell. Plus, Nash's British accent comes through in the music (not terribly common, if you ask me) so you can't help but sing the song cockney. From what I've heard about British accents, hers is the lower-class strong accent, which I suppose would equate to the Southern accents found on people in the mountains of West Virginia. Speaking of, don't they vote today? Looks like "Jesus" as a write-in might win a state.


Gnarls Barkley "Crazy"
The song is good (you know you loved it when it came out) but overplayed, admittedly, but I always catch myself singing with the falsetto of an overweight black man whenever it comes on the radio.


So there's the beginning of my list. Put your contributions in the comments and I'll edit the post with a youtube video for all to see.

"Next" Facts

Embarrassingly enough, this post is going to piggy-back one of the most society-damning shows that have ever been put on cable TV: MTV's "Next". If you don't know the premise of the show, congrats. The contestants put on a whore show to try and win $50 or another date with a future restraining order. Each of these daters on the bus has three "facts", which I'm convinced come off a sheet of paper that the Next producers put in front of them. They are always weird and crazy and cannot possibly be true. On that note, here are my 3 "Next" facts:

Anderson
24 years old
- Can eat absolutely any leftover food cold
- Gets a terrible feeling in his stomach when he hears George Harrison's "I've Got My Mind Set On You"
- Sometimes makes snake hissing noises in his sleep

And here are Brittany's:

Brittany
23 years old
- Is insanely jealous of Samantha Harris ("Dancing With The Stars" co-host)
- Loves to check people's hair for dandruff
- Will eat Ranch dressing on anything

So there are our "Next" facts. If you read this post, put your three facts in the comments. I'm interested to see what weird things my readers will 'fess up to.

PS: My counter program lets me see who visits my site, so if you visit and don't comment, I'll find you. I WILL FIND YOU.

I'm a man, I'm 24!

It's my birthday. You forgot? That's ok. Just make it up to me financially. I'll email you my address. Just slip a check in the mail and we'll still be friends. Otherwise, you're dead to me.