If You Like Basketball And Hate Favoritism, You'll Appreciate This

Foul on the defender, two shots for Hansbrough. ACC refs are awesome.

SAY IT AIN'T SO

Breaking news from a super secret "PEOPLE KNOW ME" informant (aka: the Internet) is that Brett Favre is retiring after one of his best seasons to date.

I hope its not true, but I couldn't blame him. It just sucks a little bit of the fun out of life, though.

Keeping my fingers crossed that I'm wrong...

Panthers Finally Dump Dead Weight

After a season of proving John Fox's increasing incompetence, the Carolina Panthers have FINALLY decided to dump annual wastes-of-space and sign players that might actually make a difference.

FIRST ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK:

DAN MORGAN, LB: FIIIIIINALLY! This guy gets concussions from playing patty-cake with his kids. Its unreal the amount of potential and talent Morgan had, but anyone who makes tackles with his face is bound to hurt himself out of the league in a matter of single-digit years. Sorry, Danny, but you can take that first-round draft contract and concussed diminished capacity for thinking and join your former Miami teammates at the Burger King drivethru.

MIKE WAHLE, G: I don't know too much about Wahle except that I was stoked when we signed him from Green Bay. He was good, just cost too much money, and drafting Ryan Khalil from USC last year inspired the team to go younger on the O-line, I guess. No hard feelings, Mike. Now get the fuck out.

DAVID CARR, QB: I almost did a backflip when I saw this. I'm so damn happy. Even though I was excited when we signed Carr, it took all of 10 seconds for everyone to realize that the reason he sucked in Houston was because he sucks, not the Texans. Well, lets not get ahead of ourselves: the Texans suck too. But Carr really sucks. Worst #1 pick ever. He might never play pro football again, and that would be sweet justice. He stole money from the Panthers last year by convincing them that he had potential.

RE-SIGNED:

MUHSIN MUHAMMAD, WR: I love this. Moose might not do shit, like he did with the Bears last year, but I love Muhammad when he played for the Panthers. He complimented Steve Smith as good as Keyshaun ever did, and with far less talk. I like Moose and I think he just wants to finish his career here after seeing what a lost cause Chicago really is. Hopefully, he'll pull a few defenders off Smith and we'll see more passes this year. Fingers-crossed.

NOTE: I'm a HUGE advocate for long hair, but that picture of Carr should be evidence enough that he shouldn't be playing in the NFL. I can't believe he never complained about his eyeliner getting smeared or his coif getting mussed when he spent 90% of the time on his back in the pocket. He's too pretty for football.

Turner Center Movie Feb.28-Mar.1: NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN

Playing this weekend at the Turner Center on campus:

2008 Oscar winner for Best Picture
"No County For Old Men"
Starring Josh Brolin, Tommy Lee Jones, and Oscar Winner Javier Bardem

THURSDAY @ 8:00 pm
FRIDAY @ 7:00 pm
SATURDAY @ 7:00 pm

Go check it out. The Turner Center isn't a bad place to see a movie, especially for free.

"I Drink Your Milkshake"

****WARNING****

The first video on here is an SNL skit about There Will Be Blood. It will make no sense at all if you haven't seen the movie, but is very funny if you have.

The second video is the actual scene from the movie. If you haven't seen the movie, you are OFFICIALLY WARNED that it contains spoilers from the movie. It won't ruin the movie completely, but in my humble opinion its the best scene from the whole flick.

ENJOY.

The Blue Devil Is As Athletic As Shavlik Randolph

The Cubs Are Selling Out

Long gone are the days of nostalgia. Today's sports are played under the ever-watchful corporate eye, and sooner or later we'll be watching the Coca-Cola Super Bowl while drinking an NFL-brand beer. Most recent example: the owner of the Chicago Cubs announced that the naming rights for Wrigley Field, a beloved baseball landmark to fans who enjoy perennial heartbreak, are on the table for the highest bidder.

In honor of this announcement, I have renamed several famous sports venues that are due for a name upgrade.

Wrigley Field: Chicago Bears Field, "Let us share in your losing pain"
Sidenote: take a leak in the "Bartman-Billygoat" bathrooms

Fenway Park: Campbell's Chunky Chowdah Park
Sidenote: Game played on "Enjoy Your Single World Series Ring, Johnny Damon" Field

Lambeau Field: Favre Field.
Sidenote: Yep. Brett Favre can even defeat capitalism. Chuck Norris ain't got shit on him.

Frankenstein Out For Rest Of Season

ESPN.com reported today that square-jawed studmuffin Yao Ming will be ridin' the pine for the rest of the season due to a foot fracture. This seriously hurts Houston's chances in the West, as like 25 teams are within 2 games of each other. Note: I could go to ESPN.com and find the real numbers but I'm really lazy.

Headline from tomorrow's morning Houston Chronicle: "Citizens shot dead as everyone who put money on Rockets' winning the NBA championship went crazy and opens fire."

Update made later tomorrow on the Chronicle website: "We apologize for our reporting earlier that everyone who put money on the Rockets opened fire. It was actually just Tracy McGrady. We apologize again."

When reached for comment, Ming said, "Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!!!!!!!! FIRE!!!" and ripped the reporter's face off.

PS: Seriously, he's just missing the bolts in the neck. Thats it.

Movie Reviews Coming Soon

I have seen the following movies recently (or expect to) and reviews are coming as soon as I get motivated enough to write them:

HOT ROD

THERE WILL BE BLOOD

DEFINITELY, MAYBE

GONE, BABY, GONE

Beat This Caption

You Have GOT To Be Kidding Me

After suffering a loss at unranked Wake Forest, Duke fell from #2 in the country to #4. After immediately losing to Miami for the first time in like 200 years, Duke fell out of the top 10. Right?

Wrong.

Because the dickslaps who vote for the AP Top 25 would give their first-born children to Mike Kryzerewskuree (don't correct me -- I don't care), Duke dropped all the way to #6. NUMBER SIX! They lost twice in a row to unranked teams, and they dropped 4 spots. At this rate, they could lose their next 9 games and be ranked #25.

But there are only 4 games left in Duke's schedule, so its safe to say that it is now mathematically impossible for Duke to fall out of the Top 10.

I hate Duke so much.