Voting Day: Version 3-Point-Something

At this point, I don't even know how many times people in North Mississippi have voted. It seems like a million, between the primary and run-off or whatever the fuck it was. I'm not into politics, so I haven't registered to vote in Mississippi because I don't care, but I (like everyone else getting TV from Jackson or Tupelo) have been bombarded with ads from congressional candidates Travis Childers and Greg Davis. Let me say one thing right off the bat:

Both Travis Childers and Greg Davis look simply ridiculous.

I'm not talking about politically, though that may be true. I'm talking purely physically. For people who put their pictures all over the place, you'd think they'd have the intelligence to hire someone to make sure they look presentable. Apparently not. Davis has the same haircut as the douchebags I went to middle school with back in 1997: gelled, pushed forward, nasty cut (I think thats the technical term for it). Nice smile, too, bud. You don't look awkward at all. And a bowtie? Dammit, that is just not smart. If you are confident and suave, you can pull off a bowtie. If you're a creepy little weirdo, then it just accents your creepy weirdo-ness.


But don't think Travis Childers is getting off any easier. What the fuck is that on your upper lip, Trav? Did you drink chocolate milk aggressively and forget to clean yourself? If you're gonna have a mustache (which is a terrible decision in the first place), at least make it respectable, like the guys from "Deadwood". Mustaches should be manly and burly, not thin and prissy. This is the kind of mustaches that the girly-man city-folk coming into Deadwood would have. You know what happened to them? They got killed because they were bitches who couldn't handle the wild west. Can you handle the wild west, Travis? I doubt it.

Politically, I really couldn't care less about either of them. Davis was the mayor of Southaven and Childers apparently built nursing homes or something. According to Childers, Davis has a tax-bought Yukon that he enjoys running over disabled children with. According to Davis, Childers hates the elderly and loves building torture chambers disguised as nursing homes. They both hate puppies and love evil. I really don't think the people of North Mississippi can go wrong here.

Get out and vote today, May 13, in the run-off. Just remember: if you vote Democrat, you're voting wrong.