The NFL Draft: Live-Bloggin' At Its Best (I Hope)

Even though my triumphant return isn't until May 8 (at which point I will blog about the most inane topics imaginable-- get excited) I can't pass up the opportunity to live-blog the NFL Draft. I am one of those people who gets off on the draft, because I love seeing how the Jets will inevitably fuck up, and what no-name OL or DL player the Panthers will take with a pick far too high. So instead of studying, I'm gonna go to Double Decker, get some food (probably "boo-sham-balls" or whatever the hell Brittany was talking about), and get back by 2pm cst for the draft. I hope you'll be with me.
Note: I split a half-rack of ribs, lemonade, budoin balls, and a homemade ice cream sandwich with Brittany. Amazingly good.

PICK 1: DOLPHINS - Jake Long, OT Michigan
I suppose I can go ahead and call this one, since he signed a monster contract on Tuesday. It would be very strange for the Dolphins to draft someone else having already shelled out $50M to some douchey lineman from the Big-10.
PREDICTED NEXT PICK: RAMS - Glenn Dorsey, DT LSU

PICK 2: RAMS - Chris Long DE UVA
Well, there's mistake #1. I really thought STL would take Dorsey, but I guess that knee injury is a little bigger deal that we might have thought. I'd draft Long just for the bloodline. Howie Long must be so proud.
PREDICTED NEXT PICK: FALCONS - Matt Ryan, QB BC

PICK 3: FALCONS - Matt Ryan QB BC
ATL needed a quarterback, since Mike Vick ain't coming back. And I just don't think Joey Harrington is the QB of the future. At least Matt Ryan might be able to stay out of trouble. Of course, Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts doesn't have quite the extracurriculars that A-town does, so only time will tell. Those drives against VT last year were superhuman, though, so best of luck in the stinker Falcon franchise, Matt.
PREDICTED NEXT PICK: RAIDERS- Glenn Dorsey, DT LSU

PICK 4: RAIDERS - Darren McFadden, RB Arkansas
I thought the Raiders might go for Dorsey, since they lost Warren Sapp to retirement this offseason, but I guess I was wrong again. Darren McFadden is perfect for Oakland, especially the "?" next to character. The pairing of JaMarcus Russell and Darren McFadden could be awesome or suck alot of ass, since neither have played professional football.
Note: I guess Glenn Dorsey is my predicted pick for every pick now until he gets picked. The guys is a monster, but he only fits certain places. Anyone who needs a D lineman could use him, so I'm gonna predict other people since I could put "Glenn Dorsey" for every single pick from here on out. Assume that I say "Glenn Dorsey or..." for my prediction.
PREDICTED NEXT PICK: CHIEFS- Vernon Gholston, DE Ohio St.

PICK 5: CHIEFS - Glenn Dorsey, DT LSU
As soon as I saw Dorsey on the phone, I knew he was next. Like I said, he's a steal at #5, since he's a beast of a man. Probably could've gone 2 or 3, but the Chiefs will take it. They wanted to trade the pick, but I guess when they saw Dorsey still up there, they decided not to blow the chance to get him. Probably a good pick, as long as there aren't any Auburn Tigers who sneak up behind him and fuck his knee up again.
PREDICTED NEXT PICK: JETS- Vernon Gholston, DE Ohio State.

PICK 6: JETS - Vernon Gholston, DE Ohio State
I will actually admit that I don't have any idea what this guy's deal is. I know O$U was decent last year, and apparently he had a really good OSU/Michigan game, but I didn't watch it. I think this is a stinker pick, because he's an overachieving player from an overrated team in an overrated conference. Perfect for the Jets.
PREDICTED NEXT PICK: PATS- if no trade, Derrick Harvey DE Florida

PICK 7: SAINTS (traded from Patriots) - Sedrick Ellis DT USC
AAAAH HAHAHA I don't even care what they did here because I got to watch the graphic that said "Patriots 16-0 regular season, lost in the Super Bowl". That will stick with the Pats FOREVER. Who really gives a shit what they do next year? I'm wish nobody had traded with them, but there wasn't anyone worth #7 money for them. The Pats get picks from New Orleans (moved from 5th round to 3rd) and the Saints get Ellis (awesome last name, btw). Good trade for the Saints, but good move for the Pats, too. Dammit, I hate them.
PREDICTED NEXT PICK: RAVENS- trade, I think. They want a QB.

PICK 8: JAGUARS (traded from Ravens) - Derrick Harvey, DE Florida
The Jags jumped from 26 to 8, which I'm sure cost them an arm and a leg, but they got their guy, even though Kiper isn't too high on him. I don't know if he's worth moving up like he's gonna save the damn franchise, but to each his own. Ravens fall to #26 and hope a QB is still there.
PREDICTED NEXT PICK: BENGALS- Keith Rivers OLB USC

PICK 9: BENGALS - Keith Rivers OLB USC
It's done. He was on the phone. Don't really know too much about this guy, but I'm glad the Bengals went with a solid core player instead of stirring up the press by drafting a WR or something like that. Sit Ocho Cinco on the fucking bench and sue him for breach of contract. That's what I'd do.
PREDICTED NEXT PICK: PATS- Either another trade (shit) or Branden Albert OG UVA

PICK 10: PATS - Jerod Mayo ILB Tennessee
OK, so I got this one REALLY wrong. Its tough to predict what the Pats are gonna do, since they have a pretty nasty team already. I thought they might trade again, since the Pats love picking late round guys. But they didn't trade, and they need DBs, since most of them left during the off-season, but I had no clue about this one. Berman is jabbering about how he can play any position, and Kiper says there's really no difference between Mayo and Rivers. I like Tennessee, so I like this pick, because I know this guy is good, but he wasn't projected to go quite this high.
PREDICTED NEXT PICK: BILLS- Leodis McKelvin CB Troy

PICK 11: BILLS - Leodis McKelvin CB Troy
I only picked McKelvin because websites have him as a high CB prospect. I really have no idea about him, because I don't make it a point to watch Troy football. Buffalo needs help in pretty much every category, so I'll take the correct prediction, but its not because I have any clue who this guy is.
PREDICTED NEXT PICK: BRONCOS- Branden Albert OG UVA

PICK 12: BRONCOS - Ryan Clady OT Boise State
Another lineman that I have no idea about. Maybe I just don't appreciate the intricacies of lineman play, but I don't know if this guy is good or not, since he played a boring position for a boring team. But the kicker of it is that I had Clady as my prediction for the Panthers with the next pick. Shit. Guess I'll go with the UVA guy to the Panthers now.
PREDICTED NEXT PICK: PANTHERS- Branden Albert OG UVA (though I hate it)

PICK 13: PANTHERS - Jonathan Stewart RB Oregon
Ok, ok, I'll take it. There was a thing about him on Sportcenter, and he's a fucking muscle. He's a little guy, but he's seriously fast and I like that they're going for young offense. I hope he's better immediately than Williams. Some people had this kid better than McFadden, though I don't really agree.
PREDICTED NEXT PICK: BEARS- Branden Albert OG UVA (Again. Damn. I suck at this.)

PICK 14: BEARS - Chris Williams OT Vandy
Yeah, so I really don't know what the hell I'm doing when it comes to these linemen. I'm gonna stop picking them. Assume that Albert is gonna go eventually, but I have no clue when. I went to the Vandy/WFU game this year, but I don't remember this guy Williams. I do remember that every time Vandy does something good, they blow this huge nautical horn from the top of their stadium. It might be the most annoying thing I've ever experienced at a sport event in my life.
PREDICTED NEXT PICK: LIONS- Rashard Mendenhall RB Illinois

PICK 15: CHIEFS (traded from Lions)- Branden Albert OG UVA
Fiiiiiiiinally!!! The pick that I don't pick him, it happens. It just took a screwy trade to make it happen. Chiefs trade up to 15 from 17. Hmm. The guy fell like 10 slots and you didn't think he'd still be there in 2 more?
PREDICTED NEXT PICK: CARDINALS- Rashard Mendenhall RB Illinois

PICK 16: CARDINALS - Dominique Rogers-Cromartie CB Tn St.
This is the pick the Patriots wanted to make, but Cromartie wasn't worth the #10 pick money. He's a little guy from a little school, but its Arizona, so nobody will even see him play (zing!). The ESPN guys love him, though, so who knows.
PREDICTED NEXT PICK: LIONS- Rashard Mendenhall RB Illinois

PICK 17: LIONS (traded from Chiefs)- Gosder Cherilus RT BC
What the fuck? I give up.
PREDICTED NEXT PICK: TEXANS- who knows

PICK 18: RAVENS (traded from Texans)- Joe Flacco QB Delaware
Fighting Blue Hens. Amazing mascot.

I've obviously lost steam in this live-blogging thing. I haven't gotten a pick right in a long time, so I'm gonna call it a night. I might update the picks just to keep people up to date, but no more predictions or impressions, because we're getting into the shit I've never heard of before.
Hope y'all enjoyed it.

PICK 19: PANTHERS (from Eagles)- Jeff Otah OT Pittsburgh

PICK 20: BUCS -Aqib Talib CB Kansas

Check out the rest of the picks here